Thursday, September 10, 2026

Bring Back My Bike

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To the guy who stole my bike off a bus bike rack in Ballard: “Fuck you” doesn’t really cut it.

I loved that bike. It got me through the woods camping and safely home, to and from the grocery store, and after injuring my knee, it became essential for me to do anything involving leaving my apartment. I still struggle to walk consistently more than a couple of blocks, and I relied on it to get to work on time or to connect between buses when I can’t make the walk.

You ran up and banged on the bus doors at 15th and Leary, and when the driver wouldn’t let you on, I guess you thought stealing a bike was a good alternative. I ran after you, injured knee and all, until I couldn’t anymore, yelling, “He stole my bike! I need that bike!” while you meandered lazily away and out of sight. The bus cameras got a good recording of your face while you banged on both doors, and the bike is worth enough that you have a class C felony if they catch you.

Fuck you, asshole.


Do you need to get something off your chest? Submit an I, Anonymous, and maybe we’ll illustrate it! Send your unsigned rant, love letter, confession, or accusation to [email protected]. Please remember to change the names of the innocent and the guilty.

 

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