Tuesday, February 11, 2025

Tim Dowling

Tim Dowling: what will we find in our mystery loft? Snakes, zombies, wet rot?

My wife has found a man called Mark who can build cupboards in the bedroom above the kitchen: the bedroom the middle one moved out of; the one my wife wants us to move into.“Across the whole wall?” I...

Tim Dowling: masonry – how hard can it be? But I’ve got to find the right trowel …

The morning after we return home I’m on the phone with the bank for a long time. The man at the other end is explaining to me why the new card I just received has already been cancelled.“There was...

Tim Dowling: I’m on holiday and someone is stealing my whole life

It is my wife’s birthday weekend and we are away, with the middle one house-sitting. The term “house-sitting” is new to us – when our grown children lived at home, looking after the dog and the cat while we...

Tim Dowling: my sons have left the house, to be replaced by spiders

It is the season of spiders, when I am enveloped in webbing wherever I go, indoors or out, blundering through elaborate creations I cannot see.The spiders do not appear to get downhearted about this. What I destroy in the...

Tim Dowling: the coffee machine has one final shock in store

I am sitting in the kitchen, staring deep into my laptop, when the youngest one walks in and stands behind me.“So now the new thing with the coffee machine is,” he says. This is one of his favourite conversational...

Tim Dowling: a birdsong app gives my wife more ways to prove me wrong

My wife has an app on her phone that tells her the name of any plant she points the camera at. It’s creepily accurate and deeply annoying, if occasionally handy. Even after 30 years in the UK, I only...

Tim Dowling: my wife is gardening. I’m in my shed writing. It’s a risky situation

A long time ago I read a quotation in a book of advice, which held that the hardest thing about being a writer is convincing your spouse that looking out of the window is part of your job. I...

Tim Dowling: how can I make my blood pressure normal in a hurry?

A text from the GP surgery invites me to complete an online questionnaire including my blood pressure. “Please contact us if you don’t have a blood pressure monitor at home,” it says, “so we can arrange an appointment.”It is...

Tim Dowling: my wife is filming me raking the lawn – and I look like a tool

The sun is shining and the birds are singing. White petals from next door’s cherry tree are drifting by my open office door. My wife crosses the garden and sticks her head in.“Is this a good time?” she says.“It...

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