Weather: News-wise, I’m not gonna lie to you, it’s gonna suck harder than a Hoover vacuum in a black hole. But while the headlines are a disaster buffet, and no, you can’t skip the sides, thank the maker for small mercies (at least if you live in Seattle): clear skies and a high of 85. Sure, the world spirals into climate collapse and political absurdity, at least the sun’s still pretending everything’s fine.

Not all of Western Washington is catching a break, though. Temps hit the 90s in some areas yesterday, and since we now live in a world where the weather is actively trying to kill us, the